Strengthening Fellowship from Superficial to Spiritual (Part 2): The Facilitation of Fellowship

We previously looked at the foundation of our fellowship. That included recognizing our need for fellowship, recognizing we are already spiritually connected in fellowship, and recognizing our common worship together. This article points to how we can facilitate fellowship between us based on this foundation. God is building his people into a spiritual house as living stones (1 Peter 2:4-6). Part of our call is to live as that house together. The following points are how we can join in that building project.

4. You Must Be Vulnerable if You Want to Experience Fellowship

This is one of the scariest points on this list, but it is also one of the most essential to experiencing what real fellowship feels like. Unless you show people who you really are, the pains, the struggles, the failures, the doubts, and the fears, then you will always have a wall up that prevents fellowship. If we say we want fellowship, but we don’t let people know who we really are, then we will never find it. It’s a losing battle. We are scared to be vulnerable because we want to defend ourselves and keep ourselves safe and self-contained. Often that self-containment is less a fear of admitting who we are to others, and more a fear of admitting who we really are to ourselves. If you can’t be vulnerable with yourself, and with God, then you won’t be able to be vulnerable with other people. Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” We can’t do that if we don’t know each other’s burdens. Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s the strength to bare your true self to others. When you do that, you find others can respond by being their true selves as well.

Our fellowship should run so deep that God has appointed it as a means of combating sin. James 5:16a says, “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another.” Sin loves to hide in the dark. True loving fellowship allows it to be brought into the light and healed. Rather than being shunned due to confession of sin, fellowship should be the most loving and secure context for confession, as it points the sinner to our loving God who binds us together. This doesn’t mean that you should share your issues with every Christian, but it does mean you should share your issues with some Christian.

Being vulnerable is the only way that we can “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep,” as Romans 12:15 says. We have to express our emotions with each other, for how can I rejoice with you if I don’t know your joy? And how can I weep with you if I don’t know your pain and struggles? Sometimes we think we talk about deep topics, but they are a mask from being truly vulnerable. Talking about politics, world events, and ideological movements may seem like heavy discussion, but they are all still externally pushing the focus to “out there” rather than what’s in your heart. Even theology can be a barrier we put up, where we may seem to be talking about Christian topics. If we don’t get to how those subjects relate to what’s going on down in your soul, it’s not yet a conversation of deep fellowship.

5. Going Through Hardship Together Forms Fellowship

Sometimes we want to keep our hardships close to our chest for fear, pride, or some other reason. Hardship may be a bad diagnosis, a loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or any number of difficulties and trials this life gives. When we receive, or give, support in those times it forms a bond that is unlike others. The harder the hardship, the sweeter the fellowship that can be developed. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” By sharing our affliction, and being comforted by God through his people, we can in turn comfort others also going through hardships.

Being there for someone in hardship can be scary because we are afraid we might say the wrong thing, or we don’t know what to say. Here’s a trick from years as a hospital and hospice chaplain: you don’t have to say much of anything at all. Just let them know you care and let them know they are free to talk if they want to. And if they don’t, just be with them. It’s not about saying the things that fix it. Most likely you can’t fix it! It’s about experiencing the hardship together. Hebrews 10:32-34 says, “But remember the former days, in which… you endured a great struggle with sufferings; partly, being exposed to both reproaches and afflictions; and partly, becoming partakers with those who were treated so.” In these verses, sometimes they were the one’s in hardship, and sometimes they just stood with others who were the ones in hardship. Mirroring Christ who entered our suffering (Philippians 2:5-8), forms our fellowship with others who are suffering.

6. Going Through Hardships With Each Other Forms Fellowship

Sometimes the hardship isn’t an external issue, but it’s conflicts with each other. These do not have to be sources of division. Rather, every conflict is an opportunity for reconciliation and an even stronger relationship because of it. Colossians 3:13 says, “bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also do.” In any relationship that matters, conflict will come, but for those that really matter, conflict strengthens them rather than breaks them. Philippians 2:4 commands, “each of you not just looking to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others.” When there is an issue between us, we don’t just look to win, but to care about the other person and seek togetherness.

Some of the most profound and longest-lasting relationships I have are those where we decided to stick it out with each other. Even if you are in the right (which most conflicts are not 100% one-sided), we should still follow Romans 15:1, “Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of the weak, and not to please ourselves.” It can be easy to run away because of an interpersonal hardship, but often that means you simply run to another place until a new interpersonal hardship comes, and you run again. Each time we don’t deal with the conflict in seeking reconciliation, we miss an opportunity for our own maturity, and for our growth in fellowship. When we work through interpersonal issues with each other we can move our interaction from the superficial to one that can provide mutual urging and uplifting. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore exhort one another, and build each other up, even as you also do.” When we go through hardships with each other, our fellowship on the other side of the conflict can be deeper than it was before.

So for fellowship to flourish you have to do the brave thing and be vulnerable. Support one another through hardship and struggles. Seek reconciliation in having a relationship with others that conquers the interpersonal problems that come between us. In the last article in this series, we will look at how to foster fellowship. We will also show application on how to put all of these principles into action.